Humor Quote by Lemony Snicket — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels; and if you haven’t, you cannot possibly imagine it.”

“This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.”

“Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have. For instance, if you wake up to the sound of twittering birds, and find yourself in an enormous canopy bed, with a butler standing next to you holding a breakfast of freshly made muffins and hand-squeezed orange juice on a silver tray, you will know that your day will be a splendid one. If you wake up to the sound of church bells, and find yourself in a fairly big regular bed, with a butler standing next to you holding a breakfast of hot tea and toast on a plate, you will know that your day will be O.K. And if you wake up to the sound of somebody banging two metal pots together, and find yourself in a small bunk bed, with a nasty foreman standing in the doorway holding no breakfast at all, you will know that your day will be horrid.”

“I am alone this evening, and I am alone because of a cruel twist of fate, a phrase which here means that nothing has happened the way I thought it would. Once I was a content man, with a comfortable home, a successful career, a person I loved very much, and an extremely reliable typewriter, but all of those things have been taken away from me, and now the only trace I have of those happy days is the tattoo on my left ankle. As I sit in this very tiny room, printing these words with a very large pencil, I feel as if my whole life has been nothing but a dismal play, presented just for someone else’s amusement, and that the playwright who invented my cruel twist of fate is somewhere far above me, laughing and laughing at his creation.”

“There is a proverbial saying chiefly concerned with warning against too closely calculating the numerical value of un-hatched chicks.”

“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There is too much fraternizing with the enemy.”

“If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.”

“We're actors — we're the opposite of people!”

“How can such scary looking parents create something so cute?”