Humor Quote by W. Somerset Maugham — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Kant thought things, not because they were true, but because he was Kant.”

“It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched for they are full of the truthless ideal which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded. It looks as if they were victims of a conspiracy; for the books they read, ideal by the necessity of selection, and the conversation of their elders, who look back upon the past through a rosy haze of forgetfulness, prepare them for an unreal life. They must discover for themselves that all they have read and all they have been told are lies, lies, lies; and each discovery is another nail driven into the body on the cross of life.”

“Never pause unless you have a reason for it, but when you pause, pause as long as you can.”

“When he sacrifices himself man for a moment is greater than God, for how can God, infinite and omnipotent, sacrifice himself?”

“The great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love.”

“Oliver laughed - actually laughed."I like this new Claire," he said.”

“What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.”

“KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.”

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”

“I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?”

“Z: "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck.”