Humor Quote by Jerome K. Jerome — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“You can never rouse Harris. There is no poetry about Harris- no wild yearning for the unattainable. Harris never "weeps, he knows not why." If Harris's eyes fill with tears, you can bet it is because Harris has been eating raw onions, or has put too much Worcester over his chop.”

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”

“How good one feels when one is full -- how satisfied with ourselves and with the world! People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.”

“A woman never thoroughly cares for her”

“Speak truth, and right will take care of itself.”

“(Speaking of the Cistercian monks) A grim fraternity, passing grim lives in that sweet spot, that God had made so bright! Strange that Nature's voices all around them--the soft singing of the waters, the wisperings of the river grass, the music of the rushing wind--should not have taught them a truer meaning of life than this. They listened there, through the long days, in silence, waiting for a voice from heaven; and all day long and through the solemn night it spoke to them in myriad tones, and they heard it not.”

“Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.”

“I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter.”

“After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?”

“At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.”

“Who knows what goes on in the mind of a cat?”

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”