Humor Quote by Susan Elizabeth Phillips — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“You couldn't be satisfied with being an amateur asshole, could you, Jimbo! You had to go and turn pro on me!”

“So, Beav, tell me about yourself.”

“Life sure is easier when you're rich.”

“Never mind that. What's going on with you and Heath?”

“He grinned, and right then it occurred to him that he hadn't enjoyed himself so much with a woman in a very long time. If Annabelle Granger were a few inches taller, a hell of a lot more sophisticated, better organized, less bossy, and more inclined to worship at his feet, she'd have made a perfect wife.”

“What New York City football team did Joe Namath play for?”

“We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.”

“If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.”

“I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.”

“I have gone temporarily deaf and haven't any idea what you said, Harry.”

“I can't forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen," I said. "I'm a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk.”

“Have any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?”