“I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too...” — Erma Bombeck Quote

“I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.”

“The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”

“On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.”

“It's amazing to me - what is this love affair we have with bad guys? With the bad boy in high school, with the anti-hero, et cetera, et cetera? Because I was always just a very nice boy. I didn't get it.”

“Hatred is an affair of the heart; contempt that of the head.”

“I'm so sick of everyone calling me a homewrecker for having an 'affair' with a married man. I didn't wreck his home. He did! And I never cheated on anyone!”