“Everyone in L.A. talks about getting an agent or a manager in terms of...” — Ari Shaffir Quote

Everyone in L.A. talks about getting an agent or a manager in terms of getting on a sitcom or getting on a movie or doing something else.

I have a running daydream about winning an Oscar and giving my speech about how ridiculous it is to rank art. And then I'd call them all sycophants and leave the statue at the podium as I walked away.

I love gummy bears, pretzels of all kinds, popcorn, Doritos - those are all healthy snacks.

My CD, my first release, was at the Comedy Works in Denver, one of the best clubs in the country.

Once I started getting more successful, I just stopped caring completely - 'I'll just do exactly what I want. It doesn't matter.'

My agent called me and said, 'You're going to be on the cover of 'R.B.I. Baseball.'' I was like, 'Are you serious?' It's unbelievable. Dream come true. I was yelling into the phone. I was super excited.

Science is not the means by which we come to understand why physical laws and circumstances are the way they are. When we ask why - assuming the question is really 'why' and not 'how' - we are really asking to know the motive of some responsible agent capable of reason.

My agent sent me the script and I loved it. I wondered how they would turn me into a chimp. My agent said it would probably not entail to much time. Just some hair and make-up. I found out that it was not so simple.

I was imagining a long life of being a stone cold loser. Then I got a job, which was really nice, then I got a great agent, a great manager, which was really nice. I was doing a lot of set ups, and, you know, I got to start working in L.A.