“I have been a big guy all my life, I am not going to lose a bunch of w...” — Billy Gardell Quote

“I have been a big guy all my life, I am not going to lose a bunch of weight, because then you're like that weird fat person that got skinny but still has a big head. I don't want to do that. So I'm just trying.”

“I'm from Minnesota! I used to work Knuckleheads at the Mall of America as a stand-up. I spent New Year's there once. I'm not trying to namedrop.”

“Look, you know, you can't please everybody. I'm a stand-up comic. I know that. It doesn't matter how funny you are and how well you do, there's two people that are going to walk out of there hating you.”

“I've been a serious player all my life in my diet, sleeping, everything, but the luck of coming to clubs that win is also important.”

“I've been on a tennis court all my life. The only thing that's been there longer is the net post.”

“I don't want to get punched all my life.”