“I guaran-damn-tee you, unless God swipes me from the earth because tha...” — Paul Walter Hauser Quote

“I guaran-damn-tee you, unless God swipes me from the earth because that's his call anyway, I will be wrestling in a celebrity wrestling match someday, and it will not be forgettable because if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it, I'm not just going to do it. I'd rather not do it poorly.”

“The WWE definitely needs to reinvent itself if it wants to survive.”

“I'll never criticize anyone for disliking something I do. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and a critic is being paid for their opinion. And I like movie critics; 97 percent of the ones I meet are awesome.”

“You see, in my view a writer is a writer not because she writes well and easily, because she has amazing talent, because everything she does is golden. In my view a writer is a writer because even when there is no hope, even when nothing you do shows any sign of promise, you keep writing anyway.”

“I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.”

“To me, horror and comedy never work. Never worked for me, anyway.”