“They asked me to go on 'Hell's Kitchen' but I'm banned from reality TV...” — Bob Mortimer Quote

They asked me to go on 'Hell's Kitchen' but I'm banned from reality TV by my wife. She's not up for that kind of tomfoolery.

I had three bypasses in one go, using arteries harvested from my leg and the right side of my chest.

I worked in a chicken factory, in a steel foundry, I worked on the bins for a year or so. It started as a summer job, but I stayed on because I liked it very much. I liked it that it made you very fit, doing all the lifting and that, so I could wear short-sleeved t-shirts, which I'd never been able to do before!

At one point I was putting 17 sugars in my tea. I know it's unbelievable and I do wonder sometimes what my mum was thinking to allow it. The weirdest thing was that if I had 18 teaspoons it was too sweet.

Men are intimidated by me: I very rarely get asked out.

So the tough questions that have been asked of Sarah Palin thus far just have been about the fact that she doesn't know anything and isn't ready to be vice president. That's fair game and it has nothing to do with her gender.

Someone asked me years ago if it were true that I disliked Jews, and I replied that it was certainly true, not at all because they are Jews but because they are folks, and I don't like folks.

I was once asked if a big business man ever reached his objective. I replied that if a man ever reached his objective he was not a big business man.