“Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to g...” — Rita Rudner Quote

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs.

I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience.

I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It's like having a different dancing partner every night.

You cannot have one bathroom. And it don't matter how much you love your wife and everything, 'cause you wind up with no room at all. You just get a little corner, and you've got a toothbrush and your paste and a shaving brush and a razor.

At school, I'd sing in groups in the locker room or in the bathroom, which was like an echo chamber. The problem is I didn't know how to get started singing professionally. The pool hall was my Facebook. I'd hang out there to keep up with what was going on and to let people know where I could be reached if singing jobs came up.

When I'm working on a short story, I could duck into a bathroom at a crowded party and write a scene, which is to say I can work in a very incremental way.

True story - I had index cards; I would write things on them and post them on the mirror in the bathroom. And I would speak it. Because you have to speak life. You have to speak what you want. You have to watch what you say because it's power in your tongue.