“Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. ...” — Joan Rivers Quote

“Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.”

“What makes me laugh is, of course, the absurd, the horror - anything that upsets me.”

“I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.”

“I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.”

“I would not want to live if I could not perform. It's in my will. I am not to be revived unless I can do an hour of stand-up.”

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.”

“The GOP wants to cut funding for birth control, place undue burdens on clinics that serve low income women and families, and defund Planned Parenthood.”

“I can't express how wonderful it is to get feedback when you've been sort of in a bubble working on something and then you release it to the world and hope for the best. It's like the birth of a musical baby.”

“I've been present at birth, and death is just as present and in equal balance. And I've been present at death, and birth is just as present, again in equal balance.”

“I had the erroneous conviction that all of history tended toward my birth and would diminish into chaos or inconsequence after I was gone. When you realize that's not so, the proper humility is to defer.”

“Even though society has come a long way in correcting the inequalities between men and women in the workplace, it still has to be said that women are oftentimes subconsciously playing to the gender roles which we are taught from birth.”