“I have two vintage typewriters. One just about works and the other has...” — Matt Roper Quote

“I have two vintage typewriters. One just about works and the other hasn't a hope in hell, bless it. But they're both beautiful, and they'll stay with me just as long as there's a roof over my head.”

“I want truth. I'm crying out to hear it. I need it like oxygen.”

“I've spent so much of my adult life in relationships that it's actually quite pleasant to be alone at last. I turned thirty-six the other day, which staggers me when I think about it.”

“I'm the worst ad anyone could possibly be for abstaining from anything.”

“I'm a Taurus, you know. A bull. I belong in a field.”

“If comedians were truly free of repression, there would not be an inherent need to perform for the love of a roomful of total strangers.”

“God bless Mr. T, he's a good brudda, but he didn't know anything about wrestling.”

“God bless Neymar because this boy has changed the lives of kids in Brazil. A lot of children watch him, believe they can be the next Neymar. Sometimes, you have a great opportunity to change and impact the lives of kids.”

“God bless my mother; I know you're looking down on me.”

“Don't worry about the things you do that people don't like. Focus on the things that you do that people do like and make more of that stuff for them. Because those are the people who bless you with a career.”

“White people are so fragile, God bless 'em. 'Well, I didn't own slaves.' No you didn't. Nobody is asking you to take personal responsibility for this. But you're a beneficiary of a system that did. Just own that and move on.”

“God bless Interlibrary Loan. I pay a lot of library fines. In the case of 'A Single Shard,' I was using books that hadn't been checked out in 30 years, so I didn't feel too bad.”