“Chicago is an extremely rough place to grow up in. Especially if you'r...” — Ron Funches Quote

“Chicago is an extremely rough place to grow up in. Especially if you're the only brother on the block that's into bumpin' Alanis Morrisette... So 'You Oughta Know,' I moved to Oregon.”

“Some of my biggest influences are people like Steven Wright and Todd Berry. I'm a shy person, and I don't think people who aspire to do comedy think that's an option.”

“I'm sauteing asparagus, Brussels sprouts,broccoli, some boneless, skinless chicken breast, some halibut. That's about it; that's all I'm allowed. That's what's legal for me to saute.”

“I block shots and stay out the way.”

“Alinea is not the type of restaurant where you go if you're in a hurry. Really, it's about enjoying that three-hour block of time and reflecting on the food, having great conversation with your dining companion.”

“When it's time to play, I'm going to come play. I'm going to play the right way. I'm going to try to help my team in all directions, blocking and catching. If I don't have the ball in my hand, I'm going to protect, block down the field. I'm going to do whatever it takes to win.”