“Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.” — Jim Gaffigan Quote

Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.

Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

I've always wanted to be an actor. I've never planned on the acting and the stand-up feeding each other; they've always been separate desires.

I don't know, I find that honestly, the stand-up thing in some ways is a little bit of a cliche to carry around, because people don't consider stand-ups really actors.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I love putting on a candle, reading a book, and just taking a second for me.

I feel like my life is pretty much on display. So much of it is working, and that's really all I want to do. I'm an open book.

The good of a book lies in its being read. A book is made up of signs that speak of other signs, which in their turn speak of things. Without an eye to read them, a book contains signs that produce no concepts; therefore it is dumb.

I tell you I can't read a book, but I can read de people.