“Before I had a double mastectomy, I was already pretty flat-chested, a...” — Tig Notaro Quote

Before I had a double mastectomy, I was already pretty flat-chested, and I made so many jokes over the years about how small my chest was that I started to think that maybe my boobs overheard me... and were just like, 'You know what? We're sick of this. Let's kill her.'

A lot of comedians get a bad rep once they have kids and that's all they talk about, and people are like, 'I don't want to hear about your kids!' I'm like, 'Prepare yourselves. That's all I'm going to talk about.'

Basically I'm a female human being with brown hair, enjoy precision, reading the news, eating delicious food with my delicious friends and laughing at ridiculous things that don't translate while you are desperately trying to make them.

I try not to look at my old stuff or my new stuff, really. I'm not a fan.

The only dangerous scene is when James Cromwell put a stake in my chest. But other than that, it turned out to be quite a punch. I didn't think much of it.

As long as my players show respect - not for me, but for the locker room, their team-mates and the club - I will tear my heart out of my chest and let them play keepy-uppy with it.

About the most exciting thing a baby can do is burp - I've spent hours of my life holding a baby on my shoulder and patting its back, trying to loosen up a burp. Burping was probably invented to give the father something positive to do, since our chests are not equipped to allow us to do much else.

I was a handyman in an office building across from Penn Station for two entire summers while I was still in school and the summer after. I had to wear a big, gray jumpsuit kind of thing that had the name of the company in a big patch on my chest, and I was sent to fix things and didn't know what I was doing.