“You can't be the dad who takes your kid out after your wife has said, ...” — Howie Mandel Quote

“You can't be the dad who takes your kid out after your wife has said, 'No ice cream,' buys the ice cream, and says, 'Don't tell your mother.' You teach the child to lie - and to disrespect the other parent.”

“The success of any stand-up act comes out of life experience.”

“I have to be the only person in America who had a doctor say to him, 'Please don't put any more surgical gloves on your head and inflate them.'”

“I eat ice cream all the time.”

“I'm a fan of polarization. If you make something that is palatable to everybody, it's like making vanilla ice cream, and I think we have enough of that.”

“I have ice cream every week. Maybe twice. I live for ice cream, but not just any ice cream. It has to be locally sourced and usually somewhere I can walk to.”