“I found out about Jonathan Winters' death a day after it happened. Tha...” — Gilbert Gottfried Quote

“I found out about Jonathan Winters' death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashian's divorce before she did.”

“I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.”

“If a comedian tells a joke that you find funny, you laugh. If he tells a joke you do not find funny, don't laugh. Or you could possibly go as far as groaning or rolling your eyes. Then you wait for his next joke; if that's funny, then you laugh. If it's not, you don't laugh - or at very worst, you can leave quietly.”

“Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.”

“I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.”

“Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.”

“Nothing separates a woman or a family from God's love. Not death, and certainly not divorce.”

“The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the '70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war.”

“The best divorce is the kind where there are no children. That was my first divorce. You walk out the door and you never look back.”

“Immorality, violence, and divorce, with their accompanying sorrows, plague society worldwide.”

“I actually think the subject of young divorce is pretty funny; I'd like to write a movie about it.”

“I had a romantic, 'Aren't I a good girl?' take on divorce, but the truth is that was stupid.”