“If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would ...” — Doug Larson Quote

“If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.”

“If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.”

“Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none.”

“I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.”

“I had a sister who died many years ago, and I believe that she protects me from the sky. She was eight years old. It was a car accident in Argentina. I was five or six, so it was much worse for my parents.”

“I grew up in Bedford, N.Y., and it was close enough to Jones Beach on Long Island that every summer my mother would pack the car for the day, and we would drive to the beach!”