“I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he ...” — Henny Youngman Quote

“I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.”

“How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'”

“You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.”

“In TV, you get driven to work in a luxury car, and find flowers in your dressing room. Then suddenly you're on tour, drying your hair backstage on plastic curtains.”

“When I was living out of my car, I did not know where we were going to eat, use the bathroom, rest or enjoy a quiet moment. I used McDonald's bathrooms to mix baby formula and wash my body because I had no other options.”

“The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of a phone pole with our whole family strapped inside.”