“I like my shame straight up and honest, and nobody does it better than...” — Tom Segura Quote

“I like my shame straight up and honest, and nobody does it better than In-N-Out Burger. You go to In-N-Out Burger, and they ask you the most shameful question in fast food. 'I'll have a burger, fries and a Coke.' 'Will you be eating in the car?' 'Yeah. I think so.'”

“When you tour as much as I do, you're always on the road, and you tend to gravitate toward cities where you're like, 'Every time I'm in that city, the shows are fun.'”

“People will say, 'What's your favorite part of Cincinnati?' I'm like, 'I was nine, man. I liked recess and having snacks. I didn't go anywhere. I was a kid.'”

“Rational anxiety is when you're aware of the source of your anxiety. Like, if I have to host an award show or talk to millions of people on the radio, I'm going to feel anxious, and I know why. Irrational anxiety is when I'm leaving CVS, and there's a car behind me, and I'm wondering if he's following me home.”

“In Japan, they have TV sets in cars right now, where you can punch up traffic routes, weather, everything! You can get Internet access already in cars in Japan, so within the next 2 to 3 years it's gonna be so crazy!”