“I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks...” — Demetri Martin Quote

“I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks.”

“A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.”

“Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.”

“I'd heard about a shipwreck that was never found - John Paul Jones' Bonhomme Richard. So I thought, 'Well, I'll go look for it.'”

“I grew up in a family where my parents worked full-time and still found themselves and their six children trapped like so many of the working poor.”

“We walk around Warped Tour all the time and I swear to you, kids are like, 'Hey, that looks like the guy from New Found Glory.'”