“When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' le...” — Paula Poundstone Quote

“When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.”

“I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.”

“I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.”

“I was the first one in the family, on either side, to go to college - much less graduate school.”

“I ain't graduate high school.”

“If you have a student who graduates from college and they don't have a job, they are now able to stay on their family health plan.”