“I'm on my version of the protein diet, but there ain't no protein in i...” — J. B. Smoove Quote

“I'm on my version of the protein diet, but there ain't no protein in it. It's a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two Cinnabons. And you soak it overnight in Red Bull. Then you chase it with a Snickers.”

“Sometimes you can make friends, and sometimes you can take friends. Sometimes people want to be friends with you, and you gotta be like, 'Okay, I can deal with this person's personality and be their friend, but not necessarily do I have to change who I am. I'm not gonna change myself to be their friend.'”

“When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.”

“I'll only diet for a Marvel movie. I will give up bacon and waffles to be Storm.”

“The majority of my UFO diet consists of reports describing suspected encounters. This is not surprising, as there are thousands of sightings annually. The emailer has seen something unusual in the sky that he interprets as probable evidence of alien presence.”

“I really believe that my family's infrequency of getting sick is due to our diet.”