“The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.” — Mark Twain Quote

“The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.”

“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.”

“No one knows who is listening, say nothing you would not wish put in the newspapers.”

“A loser doesn't know what he'll do if he loses, but talks about what he'll do if he wins, and a winner doesn't talk about what he'll do if he wins, but knows what he'll do if he loses.”

“Everybody knows that I'm not a snob when it comes to pop culture, obviously. I love reality shows.”