“Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.” — Tommy Cooper Quote

Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'

Electricity is a wonderful thing. Do you realise that if we didn't have electricity, we'd be watching television by candle light?

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, 'Which way?'

I lost some time once. It's always in the last place you look for it.

If you're not first, you're last.

It sounds mercenary and it smacks of rats leaving the sinking ship. But get real, when everyone is bailing out, you don't want to be the last man standing.

I learned more about my father in his last 5 to 6 years than I ever did my whole lifetime.

Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.