“You know you're on stage being the life of the party and trying to get...” — Artie Lange Quote

“You know you're on stage being the life of the party and trying to get laughs, and then, in a lot of ways, you don't have anything to give once you give it to the people.”

“Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd want to punch him in the face; he'd just seem like a whiner to you. But the fact is that he's funny.”

“Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.”

“I've now been in over 100 adverts for Walkers, and we've had a lot of laughs along the way.”

“Old School has humongous laughs all the way through it.”

“I like a girl who laughs a lot. That's my main thing.”