“The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at partie...” — Conan O'Brien Quote

“The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'”

“John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career.”

“Keep cool my babies.”

“Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer.”

“Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me.”

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'”

“Packing is always a nightmare.”

“Warning stickers on books would be a nightmare.”

“Anybody that's not supportive of me staying sober obviously has to go. But on the other hand, there are not really a lot of people who don't want me to stay sober. I was a nightmare.”

“Anything to do with Heathrow is a nightmare.”

“My kids are my life and the thought of someone taking them away from me is my worst nightmare.”

“We had a nightmare on our first album, and went through two producers. I decided, on the second album, to take the money that we were supposed to use for pre-production, and we went into a studio and cut the album with no producer. We finished the whole thing without telling the record company.”