“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomor...” — Henny Youngman Quote

“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”

“If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.”

“You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.”

“It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.”

“Oh all the time when Victoria Wood and I did our series. There were people asking 'Can women be funny?' People still ask that. It's like asking: 'Can women breathe in and out?'”

“I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.”