“When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizo...” — Jane Wagner Quote

“When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.”

“I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”

“Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.”

“Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?”

“I usually go straight for coffee when I wake up. I start my day with a half hour meditation... but only after a cup of coffee. Caffeination with meditation might sound funny, but it's how I don't fall back asleep in the morning!”

“In the U.K. and Ireland, crowd-work is a big thing. It shows you how funny someone would be if you met them off-stage. Americans don't care if you're funny off-stage. They want to see the writing; they want to see the work you did.”