“I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom...” — Mickey Rooney Quote

“I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.”

“Show me a man with a million dollars, and I'll show you a million guys trying to take it away from him.”

“I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me.”

“I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers.”

“Between podcasts and places like Funny or Die or CollegeHumor, there are so many venues to get the word out. It makes it difficult in that there's a never-ending desire for content, so you have to constantly be turning stuff out, but that makes you better and more prolific in general.”

“I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone?”