“I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Squ...” — Gilbert Gottfried Quote

“I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.”

“Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.”

“If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.”

“Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.”

“My Bubbie lived to 104, which is probably a little too old to consider a ripe old age, because she had already started to turn. I still say she died young.”

“Well, I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.”

“Our sufficiency is of God.”

“Eskimo: 'If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?' Priest: 'No, not if you did not know.' Eskimo: 'Then why did you tell me?'”

“God doesn't believe in the easy way.”

“Listening. It's not something for which Protestants are usually well known. In our activist piety we have tended toward prophetic pronouncements rather than quiet listening. As Father Guy, one of the first monks I met, put it, "Samuel said, "Speak, Lord, for thy servant is listening'; we more often say, 'Listen, Lord, for thy servant is speaking.”

“It is said that God has created man in his own image. But it may be that humankind has created God in the image of humankind.”

“There's a difference between waiting with patient expectation, and waiting because you never know what God will do. If you don't know how God thinks or what God wants to do in your life, read the Bible. When you know what God wants you to do, go out there and do it and see God work his wonderful mission through you.”