Best Humour Quotes to Inspire, Uplift & Motivate You Every Day

“Sooner or later it'd get to you. Death was fascinated by humans, and study was never a one-way thing. A man might spend his life peering at the private life of elementary particles and then find he either knew who he was or where he was, but not both.”

“.. when all this started, I asked myself, 'Am I going to withdraw from the world, like most people do, or am I going to live?' I decided I'm going to live - or at least try to live - the way I want, with dignity, with courage, with humour, with composure.”

“..the nuclear family from across the street, which, as a result of decay, truly did have 2.5 kids;”

“I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in ill-advised relationships.”

“Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.”

“You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.”

“For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person. (on Margaret Thatcher)”

“There are undoubtedly advantages to being dead, said Julius.”

“Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.”

“A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the innumerable instances where one would have experienced pain.”

“Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.”

“It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free.”

“Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead.”

“Augustus Waters was a self-aggrandizing bastard. But we forgive him. We forgive him not because he had a heart as figuratively good as his literal one sucked, or because he knew more about how to hold a cigarette than any nonsmoker in history, or because he got eighteen years when he should've gotten more.”

“In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.”

“Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.”

“I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.”

“... It's perfect! Locke would appreciate it.”

“Put simply, when I realised I could build a wall that would last hundreds of years, men wanting to fuck me felt a little irrelevant.”

“In “Victorian Literature”, I taught George Eliot’s great novel Middlemarch. The younger group hated it: the characters in it made the wrong decisions and married the wrong people, and they themselves were never going to make such mistakes. The older group loved it: the characters in it made the wrong decisions and married the wrong people - it was just like real life.”

“Just because you don’t like peanut butter doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t like . . . peanuts.”

“Higgledy piggledy, my black hen,”

“To freeze the moment”

“Oh! That was poetry!" said Pippin. "Do you really mean to start before the break of day?”

“Thou shalt believe in Milton, Dryden, Pope;”

“I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it”

“Morning, noon & bloody night,”

“But you were concerned about making sure things, you know, didn't get serious.”

“I’m a firm believer in equality at all times—”

“Being amongst rough lives and confusion does not make you less, it only makes your beauty shine out more clearly.”