Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”

“I'll not go where there is any of that sort of thing going on, again. It's the sure way, and the only sure way;”

“Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

“I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”

“The more you talk about it, rehash it, rethink it, cross analyze it, debate it, respond to it, get paranoid about it, compete with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, defame it, stalk it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives it continues to rot in your brain. It is dead. It is over. It is gone. It is done. It is time to bury it because it is smelling up your life and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of memories and decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your life and bury that thing!”

“Yo, cop. We're heading for Screamer's. You wanna come?”

“It was ironic, really - you want to die because you can't be bothered to go on living - but then you're expected to get all energetic and move furniture and stand on chairs and hoist ropes and do complicated knots and attach things to other things and kick stools from under you and mess around with hot baths and razor blades and extension cords and electrical appliances and weedkiller. Suicide was a complicated, demanding business, often involving visits to hardware shops.”

“The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.”