Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”

“Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.”

“I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.”

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?”

“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!”

“My dad used to say that life's a journey, but somebody screwed up and lost the map.”

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”

“I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax.”

“Becky Renee Apple - can you believe her mom named her that and then had all of her sweaters monogramed with 'BRA'?”

“Which meant his only assets were one whiny imprisoned goddess, one sort-of-girlfriend with a dagger, and Leo, who apparently thought he could defeat the armies of darkness with breath mints.”

“Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me.”