Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”

“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?”

“I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.”

“Life is tough, then you die.”

“Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.”

“How is it possible to have a civil war?”

“Dude, I don’t want to talk about Lacey’s prom shoes. And I’ll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It’s called a penis.”

“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”

“A few said they'd be horses. Most said they'd be some sort of cat. My friend said she'd like to come back as a porcupine. I don't like crowds, she said.”

“I wish we could make out in your bed.”

“Young people, nowadays, imagine that money is everything.”

“Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.”