Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.”

“Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.”

“Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.”

“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

“Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.”

“You could start a fire with the heat between you two.”

“He whipped out his sheet, then pulled it over himself and wrapped it tightly around his face like an old woman in a shawl.”

“Asshole.” “Just for that, I expect you to wrap that dirty mouth of yours around my cock tonight.” He narrowed his eyes on me.”

“I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.”

“Hey, bro, do you think you can put Shorty back on her chain?”