Humor Quote by Janet Evanovich — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.”

“[Ranger] "How's your mental health?" he asked. "I heard about Soder.”

“If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.”

“Nice dress. Take it off.”

“He [Ranger] stopped in front of my parents' house, and we both looked to the door. My mother and my grandmother were standing there, watching us.”

“Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head.”

“Trust me, Wilbur. People are very gullible. They'll believe anything they see in print.”

“Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.”

“People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.'”

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.”

“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”

“You totally just outed us to the criminals.”