“Once you get past funny, my other qualities are so below average. It's...” — Seth Meyers Quote

“Once you get past funny, my other qualities are so below average. It's not like I'm handy.”

“I love cheese plates. Though I actually hate cheese plates. Because I can't say no to them.”

“I would love to interview Sean Spicer.”

“I had the benefit of experiencing a hundred times more than the average kid. I don't look back with regret at all. It was the best life ever.”

“On average, drug prisoners spend more time in federal prison than rapists, who often get out on early release because of the overcrowding in prison caused by the Drug War.”

“I had two family members involved in World War I: two great-uncles. One of them is on a memorial in France. And the other was a trench runner who survived the war. The average life span of a trench runner was 36 hours, but he survived the whole war.”