“I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell...” — Mitch Hedberg Quote

“I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.”

“I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.”

“I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.”

“It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.”

“It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?”

“People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”

“I love rewriting because that is where and how you discover the story. It's like you have this skeleton, and you get to put flesh on it and hair and clothes and really wonderful jewelry.”

“Imaginary pains are by far the most real we suffer, since we feel a constant need for them and invent them because there is no way of doing without them.”

“Because of this, originality consists in returning to the origin.”

“When I'm inspired, I get excited because I can't wait to see what I'll come up with next.”

“I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”

“Memory is deceptive because it is colored by today's events.”