“When I encountered rich people for the first time, I discovered that n...” — Artie Lange Quote

“When I encountered rich people for the first time, I discovered that not only do they holiday in places that are hard to find on a map, but that they also use the names of seasons as verbs. When they asked me, 'Where did you summer and winter growing up?' I would usually say, 'As a child? The same place I springed and autumned.'”

“'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.”

“You know you're on stage being the life of the party and trying to get laughs, and then, in a lot of ways, you don't have anything to give once you give it to the people.”

“I was discovered, or mentored, by Norman Lear, who plucked me from the grinder of relative obscurity.”

“I promise my students that if they take the time to figure out their life purpose, they'll look back on it as the most important thing they discovered while at school. If they don't figure it out, they will just sail off without a rudder and get buffeted in the very rough seas of life.”

“I discovered very early that it wasn't quite enough for me to imitate people.”