“I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just...” — Gilbert Gottfried Quote

I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.

I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.

I imagine I'm a very unusual guy to date. You know, I've got toys on the shelves, and I've got the cars.

You have to wait six months to purchase a fuel efficient automobile made from overseas.

Horses and mules, and even sail cars, made more rapid progress than did the earliest locomotive.

I'm not going to just stop doing it because I got hurt once. People get hurt in car wrecks every day, and they don't stop driving the car the rest of their life to work. It's my passion. It's what I want to do with my life. It's a part of what I do.

In the car on my way to premieres and awards shows, I'll sit with tissue paper under my armpits so I don't soil the delicate dress fabric. The whole time, I'm telling myself, 'Please don't sweat, please don't sweat.' I throw the tissues out right before I step out of the car, and nobody ever knows! I just put on a smile and fake it.