I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.Emo PhilipsTheWorldMotivation.comTry New ThemeDownloadSharePin ItCopied to clipboard!“I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
“I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.”Emo PhilipsBar
“You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!”Emo Philips
“Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.”Emo PhilipsWomen
“I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'”Emo PhilipsAnother
“What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.”Steven WrightFunny