“I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.” — Emo Philips Quote

“I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.”

“I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.”

“You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!”

“A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.”

“It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.”

“The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.”