“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing...” — Johnny Carson Quote

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

I am one of the lucky people in the world: I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.

If you're talking about Java in particular, Python is about the best fit you can get amongst all the other languages. Yet the funny thing is, from a language point of view, JavaScript has a lot in common with Python, but it is sort of a restricted subset.

There's a story everywhere. Being bored to death someplace is basically a funny proposition. What you have to watch out for is you don't write a boring story about a boring place.

I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.