Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?”

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

“I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to 'God' are all answered at about the same 50% rate.”

“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

“A horse must be a bit mad to be a good cavalry mount, and its rider must be completely so.”

“Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!”

“Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?”

“The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope.”

“It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!”

“OK," Josh said evenly, "I've seen men made of mud, I guess I can accept spying rats. Do they talk?" he wondered aloud.”