Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.”

“It's never just a game when you're winning.”

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.”

“I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.”

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”

“Can you be a girl for a few seconds?”

“I swear that woman had a previous career as a death-hunter selling tragic ballads down around the Seven Dials," said Will. "And I do wish she wouldn't sing about poisoning just after we've eaten.”

“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.”

“My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health.'-Jace”

“A girl’s got to use what she’s given and I’m not going to make a guy drool the way a Britney video does. So I take it to extremes. I don’t say I dress sexily on stage - what I do is so extreme. It’s meant to make guys think: ‘I don’t know if this is sexy or just weird.”

“I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze.”