Humor Quote by Ilona Andrews — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.”

“Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!”

“What’s this”

“I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire.”

“Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.”

“I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.”

“Bruce Wayne's parents get killed and he goes to Tibet or whatever, and Superman is an alien, and Spiderman had that radioactive spider. Me? I kissed a janitor in the school bathroom.”

“An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.”

“Sensitive," I tried.”

“Can't stay long, Mother," he said. "I'm up front, the prefects have got two compartments to themselves-”

“We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.”

“Chocolate is God's apology for brocolli”