Humor Quote by Jerry Seinfeld — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.”

“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.”

“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”

“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

“What will you do now?'”

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”

“[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.”

“I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite.”

“Yeah. Floyd is his batman.”

“No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.”