Humor Quote by Joseph Heller — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.”

“They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.”

“Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.”

“There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.”

“The chaplain had sinned, and it was good. Common sense told him that telling lies and defecting from duty were sins. On the other hand, everyone knew that sin was evil and that no good could come from evil. But he did feel good; he felt positively marvelous. Consequently, it followed logically that telling lies and defecting from duty could not be sins.”

“Must be weird for you, having your mom here.”

“I had a polynomial once. My doctor removed it.”

“What do you think they're going to do to us when they find us guilty?" she says after a few minutes of silence have passed.”

“There are any number of magical creatures, mostly female, whose singing can bring about horror and death. Sirens, undines, banshees, Bananarama tribute bands...”

“It’s sarcasm, Josh.”

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”