Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.”

“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.”

“Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.”

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.”

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck”

“A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.”

“An elite confederacy of nerds. My peeps”

“EARLY BIRD”

“The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life.”

“Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?”

“Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.”