Humor Quote by George Carlin — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”

“I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.”

“I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”

“There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.”

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

“Do you love him?”

“A perfect person is easy to love. But when somebody likes all your imperfections, well, that's when you know they really mean it.”

“If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.”

“Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.”

“Bluestar blinked. "There are cats who would argue that there should never have been a fifth Clan in the forest at all. Why are there four oaks at Fourtrees, if not to stand for the four Clans?”

“She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.”